


When there's talking

by bennysparks



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 10:10:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20722490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bennysparks/pseuds/bennysparks
Summary: Ben Mitchell has three conversations.





	When there's talking

"I keep telling ya, bruv," Jay is saying, as he sets down two mugs of tea and slides into the booth in the corner of the caff. "Patience is a virtue with that one."

"Yes," Ben says. "Because I'm known for my deep reservoir of patience."

Jay holds up both hands. "I'm just saying if you want to do the boyfriend thing with him—which would be a miracle, I have to say, for both of you—you gotta give him some time. It's not like he stood you up to get off with some other guy."

"No." Ben hums and takes a sip of his brew. "You're right, you're right, you're right."

"Hold on, let me get out my phone so I can record you saying that."

"Oh shut up," Ben says, but the smirk has settled back onto his face. "I don't think he gets that I ain't got heaps of experience with—with—"

"Anything lasting longer than half an hour in the bog?"

"Yes, thank you, Jay. Love you too."

"Also, who's he supposed to talk to about all this? Stuart?"

"Oh god," Ben says, covering his face. "I hear Stuart's  _ moved in _ up there, too. With Rainie and all."

On the table, Ben's phone chirps with an incoming call. He checks the screen and must make a face, because Jay is squinting at him and asking, "Everything all right?"

"It's Pam." Ben flushes the call and sets the phone back down. "I—we haven't talked in a while. I didn't really want to talk to her in the summer."

"You mean when you were busy walking your face into people's fists over and over?"

"You are somehow worse than my own mother over there," Ben says, gesturing to Kathy behind the counter. She shoots him a look and he rolls his eyes. 

Ben shuffles through the crowds in the market. People glare at him, because people are  _ always _ glaring at him, but he doesn't see Bianca or Kat or Keanu, so maybe he can go a day without something blowing up again.

His phone goes off again and he answers it without thinking. "Hello?"

"Ben Mitchell, don't think I don't know what you're up to."

"Pam," he says. "Uh, sorry, I missed your call earlier—"

"Sent me straight to voicemail, you did. Don't think I don't know."

"Pam…" Ben stops in his tracks, pinching the bridge of his nose. People around him grumble, the flow of traffic treating him like a statue. "I'm sorry," he says, and that definitely garners a reaction from passersby.  _ Ben Mitchell? Apologizing? That'll be the day. _ "Thank you for the card, back in—in—I didn't know what to say to you."

"I only wanted to check up on you," Pam says. "You know you're still family."

Family. Ben wants to laugh. Ben wants to cry. "Bit of a rough summer."

"And here I was hoping you just didn't get back to me because you were busy with some young man."

"On the anniversary? Pam, I would never—"

"It would be okay if you did," Pam says. "I'm not saying you'd forget him."

He should say something. He doesn't trust his voice right now, not in front of the market crowds. He ducks between people but catches sight of Callum in the distance, so tall he's easy to spot over everyone. Callum looks over and clearly spots him, but Ben panics and squirrels himself between two stalls and down an alley.

Pam quietly asks, "Ben? Are you still there?"

"I did sort of meet someone," he says, eventually. "But we're not—I don't know what we are."

There is a pause. He can hear Pam breathing, and he wonders if she's angry. "I'm sensing there's a bit of a story there, Ben."

"You could say that." Ben hovers in the alleyway, far enough along that he's pretty sure nobody's going to be listening in. He knows Callum saw him. "He's—He was in the closet, when we met. Was getting married. They've split up now, and he's come out—sort of—but I don't know what's going on now. We tried to go for a drink but—stuff came up."

"You don't make things half-complicated for yourself, Ben."

Ben laughs, ragged and shaky. "Guess not, no."

"But you like him?"

"Yes. But I don't want to push him, and—there's been a lot of drama—"

"I have actually met you, Ben."

"Fair play."

"You know," Pam says. "I remember Paul sitting with Les and I saying that he'd had 'a thing with Ben Mitchell,' one day. We'd been arguing. He was very upset. He didn't know what to do with you. You were—this was when Abi was still in the picture, of course—" This is definitely something Pam doesn't want to talk about either, something that is still complicated for both of them. "We told him to be honest with you about how he felt."

"Ah yes, my old power move, emotional honesty." He leans against the brickwork, feeling himself go boneless. He almost starts to slide down toward the ground. "You wouldn't be—I mean, if I  _ did _ have an actual boyfriend—"

"I told you. You're family." Pam clears her throat. "Now, are you going to give me a name here, or do I have to make one up?"

Ben is sitting on the park bench with his hands in his pockets when Callum sits down beside him. "Saw you in the market before," Callum says.

"I was on a call," Ben says.

"You looked upset. I was worried."

Ben takes a breath. "I was talking to Paul's nan," he says. He doesn't look up, doesn't look over at Callum, keeps his eyes on his shoes. "Pam. She used to live in your flat."

"I remember that."

"She reminded me what an absolute disaster I was, when I was coming out."

Callum laughs. "I can't really imagine you in the closet to begin with."

"Well, I was. It was awful." Ben sighs. He leans back, tilting his head. "I was a mess. Paul was— Paul was very patient with me. I haven't been as patient with you. I'm sorry about that."

"Ben—"

"I really like you. You know that, but I'm going to keep telling you that, so that when you're ready, you know that you can tell  _ me _ how you feel about—whatever."

"Ben, you know that I had a reason for standing you up the other day."

"Yes. I do know. It was a good reason. I'm just saying—" He closes his eyes. He tries to imagine Paul sitting on the other side of him. Paul would know how to say this. He feels weird about imagining Paul sitting on a bench with him and with, well, Callum. He hasn't tried to conjure Paul up like this in a while. "We don't have to rush anything, okay? You just got out of a relationship, you're coming out. But I want to be honest with you, because you ain't got too many people to talk to about—about all of this—and I ain't had a proper relationship in a while, but I know that they work best when there's talking."

Callum takes Ben's hand into his own, threads their fingers together. "Okay," he says.

"Okay?"

"What else did you and Pam talk about?"

"Oh, you know. Your arse."

"Ben!"

"Oh. calm down, it ain't like I said bad things about it."


End file.
